Admin Staff Admin Staff on 17:08 08/06/18
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Negotiations: It’s Everywhere in Life.


We were last talking to J. about “Educating to Dominate” in your industry. One of the best ways to grow your business is by starting with rapport. The best way to build rapport and relationships is by educating others and helping to solve their problems. J. is an expert problem solver, but also an expert negotiator.

We continue our discussion on negotiations and deal making. Deal making isn’t just at the negotiation table. It’s also seen in everyday life, whether you realize it or not. 


In this Interview Learn:

A simple technique for building rapport

Why you always want a No over a maybe

How to make negotiations work for you

A simple negotiation tactic to relieve pressure


Building rapport and relationships are the cornerstone of any business. How do you build rapport?

First you need to Listen. I use the 70/30 rule. Really listen 70% of the time and speak the other 30. And when you speak, you are not speaking about yourself, but are questioning them. 

Ask simple open ended questions like, “Why did you make the time for us to get together today?” 

Open ended questions will get them to reveal their emotions, their why’s, and their issues. These are the things you need to understand in order to “bond” and know what’s going on with the other person. You need to step into the other person’s world and see it the way they do, through their lens.

The reason most people don’t sell more products and their services is because they don’t really care about the other person or their problems.

You need to focus on other person and their problems to really succeed. You have to understand their problems clearly and completely to solve them.

That’s the secret.  

Focus on the other person and their problems to build rapport and grow your businessCLICK TO TWEET

Professionals such as doctors and lawyers are good at building rapport because of this. They have to ask lots of questions before rendering a service. They need to clearly define the problem before coming up with a diagnosis or solution.

You can’t prescribe a solution, until you can accurately diagnose the problem. To be able to diagnose, you have to really dig deep and understand the other person’s pain points.

You have to be clear and help them realize that you understand their problems. 

Really listen, genuinely be interested in them and their problems. Hear them out. 

By being genuine, you will lower their guard and defensive walls. You won’t be perceived as a threat or come off as a salesperson, but more of a counselor. And that’s how you start to build rapport.


Educating people has a huge part in building your Influence. Does this also come into play during negotiations and deal making?

Negotiating, definitely begins to play a role in this. 

You have to have the mindset of intending to agree with, rather than to “Win.”

You would rather negotiate from a WIN-WIN mindset. You need to help the person to know, feel, realize, and be clear that you really are trying to have everybody win. That we’re working towards a solution that works for the both of us.

As opposed to the mindset of, “I’m trying to get one over on you.” 

The common misconception is “In order for me to win. You must lose.” This isn’t true. Unfortunately, novice negotiators, novice salespeople and investors approach it this way.

“In order for me to win, you must lose.” This mindset is evident every time real estate entrepreneurs try to negotiate their realtors, vendors and property managers. They think they’re winning by negotiating at a lower percentage. 

They feel good thinking they got out ahead because they got one over on the other guy. Because they got 6% for their property manager instead of 10% they think they are ahead. But what they fail to realize is that the property manager needs to eat too. 

If they also have another client paying them 10% along with your 6%, both properties having the same amount of headache and problems to deal with, who do you think they’re going to work harder for? 

At some point, they’re going to get more clients paying 10% and eventually drop you. Your tenants and customers are going to get poor service. In the end, you and your team come out losing, hurting your business.

When you go to the negotiating table, you need to understand these things. You need to have rapport with the individuals you’re talking to. 

You have to be very clear and say,

“Look, I understand that you need money and want the best deal. I’m trying to help you, but it can’t be at my expense.”  


Any specific negotiation tactics or strategies you use in making deals? 

When you’re negotiating with a person, there are always 3 people you are talking to. There are three mental psyches that every individual has:

1. Parent  – Negative Skeptic

2. Adult – Happy medium

3. Child – Overly optimistic, happy and excited

The parent will be the one asking the questions or giving demands. The child will be the one being asked questions and answering them. The adult is emotionally neutral to the discussions or outcome of any deal.

You need to stay in the adult frame of mind, not getting overly excited or negative.

You must get the other person to be in the adult frame of mind as well.

The pressure is always applied to the child, the one answering all the questions. You can gently reverse any pressure on you towards the other person by redirecting the question. An example of this is being asked, “What do you do?” 

You reverse the pressure gently by responding, “Interesting question, why do you ask?” 

By doing this you relieve the pressure on yourself to answer questions and turns it around towards the other person. This simple technique can also help you also build rapport and gather more information.

You always want to be speaking to the adult person. The child wants to be in excitement. The adult is skeptical thinking, “No it doesn’t work.” You want to get to the happy medium between the two and talk to the adult. This is the best state of mind for them to be in to make clear decisions. 

You have be very clear and give them the option to say, “No.” 

Most salespeople are afraid of the word No. So they try to come up with language to prevent a “No.”

But by giving people the right to say No, they will love to say “Yes.” Make it easy for them to say No and they will want to say Yes.


How does making it easy to say “No” actually get a strong “Yes”?

You have to be very clear and give people the right to say No. My intent in any conversation is to be the first to say No. To get them to disqualify themselves. It almost sounds like I’m not trying to sell something. 

You need to have a clear design and walk through a sequence of events to come to a clear and concise final outcome. I call this system the “Rules of Engagement


Continue to – the Rules of Engagement

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